But what it actually did was hurt self-esteem, encourage immaturity, and ill prepare children for life in the adult world. Parents gave their children carte blanche in the misguided belief that this freedom would build their self-esteem, foster maturity and independence, and allow them to become successful and happy people. By taking away conditional love, parents lost their ability to influence their children. If you look at unconditional love carefully you see why this grand experiment failed. Unfortunately, the pendulum swung too far. Within a short time, America went from “Love if you obey and behave” to “Love without limits.” Instead of figuring out what kinds of conditional love work and what kinds don’t, many parents cut all of the strings and made love conditional on nothing. We want to be loved regardless of what we do.” So they decided to raise their children with unconditional love. It was as if the children of the forties and fifties said, “That’s enough. Perhaps it was a reaction to the rigidity of the post-World-War-II era. It was a way to maintain control, foster conformity, and instill certain values and beliefs held by parents and society at large.īut something happened in the sixties. As recently as the 1950s, conditional love was the dominant parenting approach. They should be able to count on your love no matter what.īut unconditional love is a rather new phenomenon. Children shouldn’t have to worry whether their actions will cause you to love them less. You should love your children just for who they are, regardless of what they do. The basic idea behind unconditional love seems quite reasonable.
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